I've always enjoyed writing up these retrospective posts, both looking past and ahead of what the future might hold.
These moments afford a heady mix of real introspection of the year that has been and anticipation of things to come. I've always enjoyed them to look back and see the things i've been able to do as a single cohesive adventure, but also as a marker for how far i've come.
This time around though i am in a more somber mood than the previous times i've sat down to pen these musings.
It wouldn't be entirely untrue if i said that 2024 as a whole has been largely a "meh" year for me, an entirely forgettable entry in the annals of yours truly.
While 2024 started off on a high note in with me in Kuala Lumpur and some more travel ahead of me, it quickly meandered into coming back to Lisbon to a fairly stale life, a product of my own making.
While the intent to return to Europe was driven largely by the desire to settle down for a bit and set up a base for any future travels, it was also an opportunity to test out some of the things i had come to learn of my self and the way i travel and work from the previous year.
I knew that i wanted to set up a few creature comforts for myself, things i really do enjoy such as being able to regularly go to the cinema, watch movies from the comfort of my own home, and a small reading nook. I did also allow myself the small fantasy of finally spending long enough time in a place to become a regular.
The truth of it is though is that i quickly settled in too quickly and too comfortably here in Lisbon into work-mode, where i was constantly trying to do some sort of work-related things and hardly allowed myself any real opportunities to do other things. My social battery was also drained and running on low, and i failed myself in really not trying to be more active, both socially and physically.
With work being more demanding and stressful than ever, with multiple fires needing to be tended to at work during the course of the year, it didn't really feel like there was much room to just breathe for a bit and re-focus. That said, it's not something i can entirely blame on work alone. That failure too is on me, as i'm thankful enough that my job allows for way more flexibility and freedom than any other i've had, and certainly would've allowed me to take some much needed time for myself.
But it's only until the last remaining dregs of the year that i've allowed myself the opportunity to start making more meaningful changes that should allow for better work-life management.
A modicum of joy
But that isn't to say that the year has not had it's fair share of spectacular moments.
Lisbon is a gorgeous city, always full of life and on-goings. This year i've been lucky enough to not only be able to have friends travel down and host them, but also have my colleagues travel down and experience the city together, some who are first-time visitors.
From visits to the fantastic Oceanario to see penguins and the gorgeous Sintra to fantastic concerts and street fests, Lisbon had something of everything and i was fortunate enough to take part in many great events.
In looking back though i also must admit that i've not taken on some of the key aspirations i had for myself this year. Getting my drivers license was of the main goals i've had over the last couple of years, and staying in Lisbon for a good while was supposed to be an end to achieve that, as it's fairly straightforward to completing the requirements to get my drivers license.
But between becoming too involved in work, a waning social drive, and my lack of drive to get this done, i didn't come anywhere near completing this goal. It is a source of some minor frustration, certainly, as i had hoped to have this completed before going into 2025. This would've allowed me to get far more freedom to explore places in my travels, specially as someone who intends to go to places where public transport to interesting places isn't always reliably available.
While this failure, and other shortcomings, is not a cloud that looms over my head, it has certainly highlighted a lack of something that has eluded me for a good while now; spontaneity.
For many years now i've been slowly gathering that as i've moved away from my more chaotic life choices and reckless abandon of any real life planning, i've perhaps erred too much into the other side and have become far too cautious and deliberate. This decision to be more slow in my taking action has also lent itself to giving myself bad excuses to execute on certain things; namely wanting to take my time, plan things out first, do X before Y, etc.
It all amounts to shallow excuses. It's not enough and i am genuinely surprised that it's taken me this long to see it.
In search of sparks
So it is with that in mind that i've now decided to once again change things up for myself and start seeking more meaningful happy moments, and find different ways for those to happen.
But it must also be said that i do also see how this might look from the outside-in... I'm just shy of 2 years away from my 40th birthday, and doing things to change my life around drastically. It couldn't be more midlife crisis stereotype...
I will however allow myself to also accept that while some of that may ring true for me, it's certainly not new or interesting to me to be changing things up. I am also most certainly not dissatisfied with my life in any way. I am most certainly not bored of things either, in fact i actually look forward to periods of boredom as moments of respite.
I am however quite receptive to the idea of chasing more moments of happiness, and allowing myself to be more aloof in my life. To allow myself some lack of planning and more impromptu moments is not necessarily a bad thing. It is after all those little moments during my travels where the unexpected things happen that i've often find myself the most excited and happy, from joining the wrong tours to random explorations of cities.
That is why i suppose my goal of 2025 is, more so than ever perhaps, to just travel more and chase happy moments.
There are however three things i intend to seek out more this year, and they're certainly less goals and more loose intentions.
I intend to write and blog more often, to take up and improve in street photography, and spark up more friendships.
I intend to write up more on these intentions in the weeks to come, but for now this seems like a good way to end this part retrospect and part looking forward.
